where we touch on buckets

We are born with our return tickets clutched in our palms. There is no certainty in life other than that one day, we too shall die...

Today I am here to remind you of that, and to nag you a little bit about sorting out your affairs.

I get that it's not easy to plan what happens to your stuff once you pass away - as to do so is to acknowledge that one day you too could die (shock! horror!). Even the most pragmatic of souls worry when it comes to thinking about writing a Will. I have seen clients who have sleepless nights before they finally turn up at my office to sign their wills. I do understand that it is scary.

For this reason, I always celebrate the folks who pull up their socks and brave up to thinking about their Wills and start estate planning. This quote by Ernest Hemingway says it well, 

“Every man's life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguish one man from another.”

If you think about it - writing down what happens after you die is the most responsible thing you could do for the people who love you and depend on you. Death is harder on those left behind, and I have seen families struggle to cope with financials when the person that they depended on suddenly and tragically passes on. The family frequently has no idea what investments have been made, which banks accounts are still active, how company shares are held, or how many property loans need to be serviced. I've even seen families who have been approached by unscrupulous folks claiming that the departed family member owed them money (with no way to check if this is true). 

Mitch Albom once said, “Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone.” I believe that drawing up your Will and leaving your affairs tidy is the best way to show your love for your family - so that they know your wishes and your instructions even when you are no longer around to tell them personally.

When the MH370 tragedy happened, a lot of my friends took the initiative to draw up their wills to cover not just what happens if they passed away, but also to cover what happens if their children were suddenly orphaned as a result of an accident. We sat down together and thought about the truly difficult things. If my child is suddenly orphaned, where would she stay? Who would be her guardian? Who would manage my funds until my child becomes an adult? and etc.

It's been a while but I think it's time again that we should be having those conversations and drawing up Wills. The pandemic has hit us hard these last 2 years. All of us have lost friends tragically and suddenly. Children are being orphaned due to the virus, and because the parents of these children were young - frequently no arrangements have been made for the children who end up at the mercy of relatives.

For these reasons, if you have not drawn your Will up yet, I would advise you to think about doing so soon. Be brave. Drawing up a will doesn't mean you're dying - it just means you're a grown up who is responsible. 

And because I like lists, I've done a small list here to help you.

1. Draw up your will. You can either consult a lawyer on this or a will writing service. This shouldn’t cost you more than RM1500 to RM2000. You could also download a template off the internet and do it yourself, though you should take note of the size of your estate and the complexities of your family situation before you decide to do that. 

2. Your will should be witnessed by 2 people, at least one of whom will need to affirm an affidavit upon your death to attest to your signature. Negotiate with the person drawing up the will so that this cost is covered by the fee you’re paying (to avoid additional costs to your family).

3. When you draw up your will think carefully about who the executor should be and who the trustees will be. These people play important roles in carrying out your wishes, and you should pick people who you can trust.

4. Prepare a list of your assets (and debts) and keep it in the same location as your will. Update this list annually on your birthday or new year by crossing out assets you have sold and including assets you have acquired. I find that this is helpful as families sometimes don’t know the extent of investments their loved one has made. If you’ve closed a bank account, cross out the details of it etc.

5. If you are a Muslim and you have daughters or adopted children who you wish to benefit from your estate, speak to a Syariah lawyer. They can draw up gift deeds etc. if you don’t have male children especially make sure that you do this as otherwise your daughters may lose all share to the estate.

6. If you have young children or children with special needs give some thought to what will happen to them in the event both you and your spouse pass away simultaneously. Speak to your spouse and figure out who can be trusted to bring up your kids. Speak to those people for consent. Include this in your will. Ensure that your spouse draws up a will too.

7. In the event you had previously drawn up a will, but now have had a change in your life circumstances, for example you are now married or divorced or you have more children now, think about whether you need to draw up a new will.

That's the end of my list. I hope it made you think and I hope it helps you. Good job on being brave and reading till the end :)

As a reward for good behaviour, I leave you with these wonderful words of Hunter S. Thompson 

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!”

Have an absolutely glorious ride everyone!

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Muhendaran and I were shocked and incredibly sad to hear that BreeJonson, an artist we both admire - had passed away today at a tragically young age. Her untimely passing inspired this post.

We had the pleasure and privilege of meeting the lovely Bree when she was in Malaysia for her exhibition and found  her extremely talented and down to earth. Bree made gorgeous, disturbing and vibrant paintings of animals and plants to critique the relationship that humans have with their environment, and the divide that has grown between them, a divide that displaces them as Other, different from humans, and lower in importance and heirarchy.  I always found her works to provoke discussion and thought. Rest In Peace Bree. 

(The photo above is of Bree at her show, Writhing @ Our Art Projects at the Zhongshan Building with some of her works.)