rejection letter
dear lc aka kk
we were so impressed with your application via the comment below (pls refer to our post - World Cup Part II), that we felt we had to address it in this post. Whilst your qualifications are impressive, we regretfully have to inform you that you fail to meet 2 very important criteria necessary for the successful applicant, vis a vis, the succesful candidate must:
1. not be afraid of cockroaches; and
2. palpably belong to the human species. unfortunately, sub-species are not encouraged to apply.
now item no. 1 is obviously more important than item no. 2, and unfortunately you have failed to demonstrate this ability. sorry mate, but cockroach busting is a priority skill here.
as for item no. 2, whilst we admit that this seems to be a little speciest, we are able to live with this bigotry, as we are after all based in malaysia, where discrimination is rather encouraged. in fact as you may know, our motto occassionally is that a spot of discrimination before lunch never hurt anyone.... it builds character and strong moral fibre...
nevertheless, we shall keep you in mind for any future non-human postings. we wish you all the best in your future endeavours, and encourage you to keep trying. somewhere out there, someone wants you...
p.s.: nice photo by the way.
we were so impressed with your application via the comment below (pls refer to our post - World Cup Part II), that we felt we had to address it in this post. Whilst your qualifications are impressive, we regretfully have to inform you that you fail to meet 2 very important criteria necessary for the successful applicant, vis a vis, the succesful candidate must:
1. not be afraid of cockroaches; and
2. palpably belong to the human species. unfortunately, sub-species are not encouraged to apply.
now item no. 1 is obviously more important than item no. 2, and unfortunately you have failed to demonstrate this ability. sorry mate, but cockroach busting is a priority skill here.
as for item no. 2, whilst we admit that this seems to be a little speciest, we are able to live with this bigotry, as we are after all based in malaysia, where discrimination is rather encouraged. in fact as you may know, our motto occassionally is that a spot of discrimination before lunch never hurt anyone.... it builds character and strong moral fibre...
nevertheless, we shall keep you in mind for any future non-human postings. we wish you all the best in your future endeavours, and encourage you to keep trying. somewhere out there, someone wants you...
p.s.: nice photo by the way.
Comments
I am not one to give up easily - have always bounced back from rejections very quickly (twice in major revivals) so I will attempt to put into perspective this slight oversight on your part.
1. Cockroaches - did u know that cockroaches taste like chicken. In fact, on the island I come from, cockroaches are as big as chickens and i eat them as snacks. The cockroaches in your office are nothing. By the way, I've got really huge feet which I can use to stamp them out easily and cleaning up later will be really delicious for me - mmmm mmmm mmmm . Yes, it is true what they say about the size of feet giving an indication of the size of another major organ - blush blush.
2. As for the fact that I am not of the human species, I can't do a thing about that. I am proud of my ancestory - by the way, we have the same ancestors so we are more similar than different. But just to satisfy your bigotry, I am willing to completely shave myself, wear human clothes and refrain from walking on my knuckes. I will then look more like your species but better looking. Wouldn't that be an asset to your organisation?
I hope I have managed to convince you why I still am the most suitable candidate for this job. Please get back to me as soon as possible before Hollywood beats you to me.
Sincerely
KK
kk is obviously king kong... and now that he has pleaded his case, i shall put if before the rest of loony tunes here... erhh, i mean the management - and we shall decide on it thenceforth. also i have to confess that i have today, in my personal capacity volunteered to swing with kk from the tops of klcc - so for the time being, hands off please.
I can't help it - it's my animal magnetism. Women do go to such trouble trying to get close to me. Even to the extent of impersonating a dead woman. What can I say - there is something, after all, to this thing about being "tall, dark and handsome". And I am all three. Sometimes it is a blessing, sometimes it is a curse. I can't stop women from being attracted to me - and I do like the ladies (of the human kind), so you'll hear no complains from me.
Humbly yours,
kk